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Wednesday, July 28, 2004
LORELAI: We're almost there and nowhere near it. All that matters is we're going.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Rory, I don't want to talk about this. I thought that by saying 'enough' and turning off the light, you would get the message. Apparently not. The skywriter will be here in a minute.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Rory, stop it! We are not gonna have this fight in a flowery bedroom with dentists singing "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves" in the background. It's too David Lynch!
• • • • •
LORELAI: I wish I did love him. You have no idea how much.
• • • • •
LORELAI: I am getting donuts for later. As soon as I do, I will take you to school and the nice men in the white coats will pick you up.
• • • • •
LORELAI: I am sorry that I put you in this position.
RORY: That's okay. It's going on the list.
LORELAI: My God, that list is getting long.
RORY: You have no idea.
• • • • •
PARIS: You must be very proud of yourself.
RORY: Well, I'm not hiding when I pass a mirror.
• • • • •
LORELAI: There have been very few moments in my life where I have actually wished I had one of those enormous cream pies you can just smash in someone's face, but this is definitely one of them.
• • • • •
MAX: I don't really believe in regrets. All my experiences, even the ones that didn't turn out the way I wanted them to, I firmly believe they were all worth it.
• • • • •
EMILY: That's it. I am gonna get a tape recorder so you can hear how pompous and condescending you sound.
• • • • •
RORY: Maybe we should leave.
LORELAI: Are you kidding? We've got dinner theater here.
• • • • •
RORY: Could you please attenuate the cacophony out here?
LORELAI: Huh?
RORY: Turn down the music.
LORELAI: Next time instead of a dictionary, just slip her a crisp twenty.
• • • • •
LORELAI: You saved me. I love you. I wanna have your baby. Oops, too late.
• • • • •
LUKE: So, back from the ball huh?
LORELAI: Yes, I left behind a glass slipper and a business card in case the prince is really dumb.
• • • • •
HEADMASTER: I'm surprised. We don't see you often. We'd forgotten what you'd looked like.
LORELAI: Well, I'm pretty much the same. Rosy cheeks, strong of bone, sly of wit.
• • • • •
RORY: You're like a pop up book from ****.
• • • • •
RORY: I know I'm not the first one to say it to you, but you're insane.

posted by Regina 2:08 PM
LORELAI: “Mom, I'm getting married.” I'm an idiot. And you know, as my mouth was opening my mind was screaming, 'Don't do it, I mean it, you'll regret it!' But did my mouth listen?
RORY: No.
LORELAI: No! And it opened and the words came out, and Emily was Emily, and my mouth was stunned. And my mind said 'I told you so.' And then my mouth got mad because no mouth like's to have it's nose rubbed in it. And now my mind and my mouth aren't talking, and it'll be weeks before we can get the boys together again.
RORY: Your mouth has a nose?
• • • • •
RORY: We'll have two coffees and a rant meal please. Extra cheese.
• • • • •
LORELAI: I'm through ranting, the rant is over. I'll have an acceptance meal and a side of fries.
• • • • •
LORELAI: I have officially changed my order. I'll have the 'Luke's giving Lorelai a Migraine' meal.
• • • • •
DEAN: I just thought we could hang today. Maybe see a movie, get something to eat. We could go to a bookstore, I'll watch you browse for six or seven hours.
RORY: I would love to but I have to do this thing today.
DEAN: Blow it off.
RORY: I can't.
DEAN: Did I mention the bookstore for six or seven hours?
RORY: How about tonight? We can get a pizza and go on Amazon. You'll be just as bored watching me ordering books, I promise.
DEAN: Deal.
• • • • •
RORY: You've alluded, you've insinuated, you have tiptoed to the brink of impropriety.
• • • • •
RORY: He has much knowledge.
LORELAI: We shall form a cult around him.
RORY: Build a statue many stories high.
LORELAI: We shall grow our hair long and stop bathing.
• • • • •
MAX: Answer the pepperoni.
• • • • •
LORELAI: What in Lucifer's reach is my mother doing here?
• • • • •
RORY: Are you and Max getting married?
LORELAI: No.
RORY: Why?
[Lorelai starts crying]
LORELAI: Because I didn't want to try on my wedding dress every night.

posted by Regina 2:07 PM
SOOKIE: Hey, get violently protective so Luke will back off.
• • • • •
MICHEL: That's it! I'm jumping off the Amistad. This is heavy, my back hurts, I'm not moving it again.
• • • • •
EMILY: This is a cartoon?
LORELAI: No, no, this just happened to me the other day. I was walking down the street, and this giant anvil -- yes, mother, it's a cartoon.
• • • • •
EMILY: I'll have to bring my English-to-dumbbell dictionary.
• • • • •
JASON: If I get that far on four shots, it would be a miracle on the order of loaves and fishes.
• • • • •
LORELAI: None of the plants I ever had needed light.
JASON: Any of them live?
LORELAI: No. [brief pause] Whoa, insight!
• • • • •
JASON: By the way, may I be the fourteenth person this evening to say how great you look?
LORELAI: It's the shower. I gotta try that more often.
• • • • •
LORELAI: (berating her alarm clock that didn’t work) This is the last time I buy anything just because it's furry.
• • • • •
LORELAI: What a nice, nice man.
RORY: You're feeling pretty good about yourself right now, aren't you?
LORELAI: Yeah.
RORY: Do you want me to get you a mirror?
LORELAI: [her smile fades] I'm back. Let's go.
• • • • •
EMILY: [to Lorelai] Do you need a ride or is your horse parked outside?
• • • • •
LORELAI: Ugh, I'll take any other subject in the world for two hundred Alex.
• • • • •
LUKE: Whole town should be medicated and put in a rec room with ping pong tables and hand puppets.
• • • • •
LORELAI: I'm being mysterious. That's what women do.
• • • • •
LORELAI: I'm just tied to the emergency break.
RORY: How did you do that?
LORELAI: With a flourish and a big ending.
• • • • •
LORELAI: I took a wrong turn.
RORY: Six times.
LORELAI: Well, my self preservational instincts at work ladies and gentlemen.
• • • • •
EMILY: It wasn't easy. Antonia thought I'd gone insane.
LORELAI: Well . . .
EMILY: No one needs a comment from you.
• • • • •
LORELAI: I will tell them when I'm ready to tell them. You have to accept that because I'm the mother and you're the daughter, and in some cultures, that means you have to do what I say.
RORY: If you don't tell them in two weeks, I will.
LORELAI: Though apparently not in this one.

posted by Regina 2:07 PM
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
RORY: I should stand between two of them and have them high-five my head from opposite sides and put me out of my misery.
• • • • •
JANET: You off your meds, Paris?
• • • • •
GRAHAM: Okay, well, lesson number one -- when your mom or your grandmother starts trying to pin down your specific whereabouts at a specific time and place, and she's smiling kind of weird, begin evasive maneuvers immediately.
• • • • •
LUKE: What is wrong with this shoe polish?
JESS: Pontius Pilate was alive when you bought it?
• • • • •
LORELAI: Greetings, my lord. Your lady hath arrived to be escorted forthwith.

posted by Regina 1:43 PM
JASON: I stayed away, I gave you space.
LORELAI: You gave me space? We broke up.
JASON: I didn't look at it that way. I looked at it as a cooling-off period.
LORELAI: How very revisionist of you.
• • • • •
LORELAI: How much longer are you going to stay?
JASON: Just long enough to fix everything that went wrong between us. Luckily, I'm currently unemployed. I have plenty of time.
• • • • •
LORELAI: How was I supposed to know I was supposed to know?
EMILY: You did know!
LORELAI: But you didn't want me to know.
EMILY: Of course I didn't want you to know.
LORELAI: Exactly.
EMILY: Exactly what?
LORELAI: You didn't want me to know, so I didn't know, and now you're mad I didn't know?
• • • • •
EMILY: And then you forced your father and me to come here tonight under pretense of family obligation.
LORELAI: Well, hello, that's the Gilmore way.
• • • • •
LORELAI: He just showed up here, because, apparently, it's Blake Edwards night at the dragonfly.
• • • • •
RORY: I'd authorize a case study if I could.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Well, the wardrobe's a bit of a head scratcher.
• • • • •
LUKE: You know the last time I bought flowers for someone? Never! That's when! Very easy stat to remember!
• • • • •
LORELAI: Rory! Oh, my God. You're missing everything. Grab those CDs and head back to the inn before you miss the cross-dressing midgets. That's where the night is headed. Oh! Things are happening -- big things, wow things. I have so much to tell you. Let me just open with this little tidbit -- Kirk running naked through the square. Of course, with all my careful planning and preparation, I forgot to bring Band-aids and a camera. I have got to learn that, always, without fail, Kirk equals camera.
• • • • •
MISS PATTY: Oh! Lucifer tired of them in hell and dumped them here.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Hey, guys. You probably shouldn't shove a radish up your son's nose. Just thinking out loud.

posted by Regina 1:43 PM
RORY: Look how you just said, "Luke can waltz."
LORELAI: What, I'm just saying, I'm surprised that Luke can waltz.
RORY: That sounded more like, "I'm surprised I still have my clothes on."
• • • • •
LORELAI: But maybe he didn't mean it as a date thing. Maybe he just needed to get out of the house, and since I'm currently one of the women sitting home, thinking, "If I could only find a man like Aragorn," he picked me.
• • • • •
LORELAI: I'm going to lock those two in a room, and they are either coming out reconciled or in a body bag. Believe you me, I'm fine either way.
• • • • •
RORY: Well, look who died and made you Hayley Mills.
• • • • •
KIRK: Basically, I freak out at beddy-bye. About an hour after I fall asleep, I wake up in panic. Everything around me seems threatening, scary, out to get me. Two nights ago, I was suddenly gripped with the overwhelming feeling that there was an assassin in my house.
LUKE: Jeez.
KIRK: I had to get out of the room before he got me, so I jumped out of bed and locked my pillow in the bathroom.
LUKE: Why?
KIRK: Because it was a bomb.
LUKE: Of course.
KIRK: After neutralizing my pillow, I ran up the stairs, climbed out the bathroom window, scaled the trellis up the side of the house, and hid on the roof…
LUKE: Huh.
KIRK: Completely naked.
LUKE: Aw, jeez!!
• • • • •
KIRK: The worst part of night terrors is it always ends up with me on top of the roof completely naked or running down the street completely naked or swimming in the community-center pool completely naked. That was the time I thought I was on fire.
• • • • •
KIRK: How is she going to take it? I mean, I could scare her or ninja-kick her and lock her up with a pillow. I think I love her, Luke, and I haven't even told her that I love her. I spelled it out in chocolate-covered Oreos once, but she was really hungry, and I'm not sure if she read it first. I can't assault her before I tell her I love her.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Hey, I've changed my mind. I want to be a ballerina.
• • • • •
BABETTE: He's shy. My bathrobe slipped earlier, and his poor little heart couldn't take it.
MISS PATTY: He's been staring at his salad ever since.
• • • • •
DEREK: You okay?
LORELAI: Well, there's a debate going on about that.

posted by Regina 1:42 PM
RORY: I know that now is the time to suffer for my art, but I was so broke by the end of the year that I had to dip into Paris' green tea stash, which backfired on so many levels, I can't even tell you.
• • • • •
MICHEL: They cannot stay home by themselves. They get lonely and they eat expensive Italian things.
• • • • •
MICHEL: I don't understand why you get to bring Rory, and I don't get to bring my Chows.
LORELAI: Because I'm mad with power.
• • • • •
MICHEL: There are all sorts of chromosomes missing from that man.
• • • • •
RORY: So this is what teenage boys are doing instead of watching television?
LANE: Apparently.
RORY: Seems like a lateral move.
• • • • •
LANE: He was that bad?
RORY: James Spader in "Pretty in Pink."
LANE: You could have just stopped at "James Spader."
• • • • •
LANE: Every girl has to fall for a bad boy. It's the rule. It's the reason so many accountants eventually get married.
• • • • •
LORELAI: There was no waking you up. You were completely out of it. We're talking Farrah on "Letterman."
• • • • •
LORELAI: Well?
RORY: What?
LORELAI: You notice anything?
RORY: Anything?
LORELAI: Anything weird, anything different?
RORY: About Luke?
LORELAI: Of course about Luke. Did you notice anything different?
RORY: Like what?
LORELAI: Like a vibe, an attitude. Did he look at me differently?
RORY: Differently than what?
LORELAI: Differently than he did.
RORY: Differently than he did when?
LORELAI: Before.
RORY: Before what?
LORELAI: Before before. Rory!
RORY: How on earth can you be frustrated with me right now?

posted by Regina 1:41 PM
Friday, May 21, 2004
GLENN: This is a turning point. You know how you have them, when even the angry voices in your head have to shut up for just a minute?
• • • • •
FEMALE STUDENT: [Walking out of dorm] Is it raining?
PARIS: No, it's National Baptism Day. Tie your tubes, idiot.
• • • • •
RORY: You have veto power?
LORELAI: No. I feel as if I have veto power- very different statement.
• • • • •
JASON: Here, you want bacon?
LORELAI: You went out and slaughtered a pig between the running and the French toast?
JASON: Yes, and by the way, that whole ozone-layer problem... taken care of.
• • • • •
LORELAI: You sound distracted. Did something cute just walk by?
• • • • •
LORELAI: That doesn't even sound like English.
RORY: That's because it's French.
• • • • •
RORY: Paris is seeing somebody else.
LORELAI: Really? A psychiatrist?
• • • • •
DOYLE: What is this?
RORY: Strawberry ice cream.
DOYLE: It has strawberries in it.
RORY: I don't even know how to respond to that.
• • • • •
LORELAI: You wanted me to call you, at Yale, in the middle of the night so I could say, "Hey, drive 20 miles to stand in the snow with Mommy?"
RORY: Yes.
LORELAI: And then take the craziest mother-daughter title from Judy and Liza.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Look what I pass on to the next generation.
RORY: Eating habits from Hades.
LORELAI: [Calling after her] Love that DNA!
• • • • •
LUKE: Okay, now just hold the flashlight, do not do any moving spotlight gags and point it at me and yell "Freeze, drop your weapons."
LORELAI: [laughs] How about if I shine it on the wall and do a dirty hand puppet show?
LUKE: Just stand back so the lightning only strikes you.
• • • • •
LUKE: Well, if you have a big one you don't need a small one. [Lorelai opens her mouth to speak] Don't say 'dirty', it's too easy. Hold these. [Gives her tools]

posted by Regina 2:14 PM
PARIS: Never underestimate the power of alliteration.
• • • • •
EMILY: (at the mall food court) I had no idea so many different kinds of food are on sticks.
• • • • •
LANE: Well, you could have just stopped at James Spader.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Maybe he just needed to get out. And since I’m one of the women sitting home thinking, ‘If I could only find a man like Aragorn,’ he picked me.
• • • • •
KIRK: The worst part of night terrors is it always ends up with me on top of the roof completely naked.
• • • • •
LORELAI: No, mom, he doesn’t, he just showed up here. Apparently it’s Blake Edwards night at the Dragonfly.
• • • • •
RORY: I’d authorize a case study if I could.
• • • • •
RORY: Well, the wardrobe’s a bit of a head scratcher.
• • • • •
LUKE: You know the last time I bought flowers for someone? Never, that’s when!
• • • • •
LUKE AND LORELAI: Will you just stand still?
• • • • •
LORELAI: Well, first of all it was supposed to be in a retirement home. And second, it was supposed to be with someone single.
• • • • •
LORELAI: There's a cat on my doorstep.
RORY: Well, that's better than a bun in your oven.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Oh, I can't stop drinking the coffee. I stop drinking coffee, I stop doing the standing and walking and the words putting-into-sentence doing.
• • • • •
LORELAI: How can you be so mean to me when I only managed to line one of my eyes?
• • • • •
KIRK: This table is a small thing, but it makes me happy. It gives me a sense of power over my life, a little control in a world where very little is controllable.
• • • • •
MICHEL: Every day that you breathe, you make my life harder.
• • • • •
LORELAI: I see Dr. Phil books in our future.
• • • • •
RORY: I feel my mouth moving, something's coming out and yet --
• • • • •
LUKE: I'm not incapable. I just haven't been hit in the head with the Oprah stick lately.
• • • • •
MAN ON CASSETTE: Complete the following sentence -- I feel angry because...
LUKE: I am listening to this tape.
MAN ON CASSETTE: I feel hopeful because...
LUKE: This tape must end eventually.
MAN ON CASSETTE: I feel helpless because...
LUKE: I wonder if anyone's ever kicked an audiotape's ***.
• • • • •
MAN ON CASSETTE: Whose phone calls or visits are never unwanted or too long? Do you see her face? Who would you most like to have in your life to ward off moments of loneliness? Do you see her face? When you travel, who would make your travels more enjoyable? Do you see her face? When you're in pain, who would you most like to comfort you? Do you see her face? When something wonderful happens in your life -- a promotion at work, a successful refinancing -- who do you want to share the news with? Do you see her face? Whose face appears to you, my friend? Whose face?
LUKE: Whoa.

posted by Regina 2:13 PM
Monday, February 09, 2004
LUKE: We're going with the flow.
LORELAI: Oh, that's so strum your sitar, dig the Maharishi, pass the owsley, summer of love, flower power, hippie-dippie, I can't stand it.
• • • • •
GIRL: You are very brave.
RORY: What?
GIRL: If you hear the rustle of tulle coming up behind you, run.
• • • • •
SANDRA: You're a jerk!
RORY: I know. You wrote that on my door.
• • • • •
RICHARD: Say, are you and Rory wireless?
LORELAI: Oh, no, we're pretty wired most of the time.
• • • • •
RICHARD: Look at this! I'm walking around, and I'm still on the internet. Emily, I'm going to google you.
EMILY: You are certainly not going to google me!
• • • • •
LORELAI: You're getting the triple freeze from her. It's nice. Takes the onus off her daughter.
• • • • •
JASON: I enjoyed camp. I made some good friends. I met your father at that camp.
RORY: Dad, really?
JASON: We bunked together for a summer. Incredible athlete and a good guy - a really good guy.
LORELAI: He hated you.
JASON: What?
LORELAI: With a passion.
JASON: No, I don't remember that.
LORELAI: I'm pretty sure. Didn't he try to dunk your head in a toilet bowl after you heckled him during some campfire talent show?
JASON: No, I don't. . .oh, my God, I've been repressing that!
• • • • •
EMILY: And the line about regretting how evolution had led man to stand on two feet because it led to this night.
LORELAI: [laughs] Sorry. I hadn't read that far.
• • • • •
RICHARD: Well, don't be shy, Emily. You're a walking Zagat guide.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Rory, if rearranging Sherry’s medicine cabinet is immature, what’s this?
RORY: Off the chart.

posted by Regina 3:47 PM
EMILY: Shame on you for swearing there's a flier. That's the worst possible thing you could do.
LORELAI: Liv Tyler grew up her entire life thinking Todd Rundgren was her real father. You think that might knock this out of first place?
• • • • •
SOOKIE: We did it, we got the job! What a score! We landed a whale.
LORELAI: Yeah, we always had the job, Sookie. The whale was just toying with us. She was swatting us with her tail and hosing us down with her blowhole because that is the whale's M.O. - humiliate and rip apart every other fish in the sea until there's nothing left but a bloody pile of chum.
SOOKIE: Boy, you really hate whales, don't you?
• • • • •
LORELAI: Oh, come on, Luke. Give him a break. He wants the date to go well. I mean, it's all any of us wants - to find a nice person to hang out with 'til we drop dead. Not a lot to ask.
• • • • •
LUKE: I think that means she likes you.
KIRK: Shut up! You take that back!
LUKE: Kirk, Kirk, I am not gonna fight with you over you not believing that this girl likes you because, to be honest with you, I'm a little fuzzy on the "why" myself, but the bottom line is she does.
• • • • •
JASON: Lorelai Gilmore, you sure grew up good.
LORELAI: Oh, did I, Digger? Thanks. Listen, why didn't you return my calls?
JASON: 'Cause I hadn't seen you yet.
• • • • •
JASON: I'll call you back now. What's your number?
LORELAI: 976-bite-me.
• • • • •
RORY: Well, you know, chamber-music recitals are very low-key, kind of yawny affairs. Pretty music but no stage diving or anything.
• • • • •
LANE: Yeah, kick him where the sun don't shine.
LORELAI: You really are not good at threats.
LANE: I know, and I hate that.
• • • • •
LORELAI: You need chocolate.
RORY: Chocolate and talent.
• • • • •
LORELAI: I don't think the guy is supposed to wince when he lifts the ballerina.
RORY: Maybe it was involuntary?
LORELAI: She wasn't supposed to kick him like that, was she?
RORY: I don't think so.
LORELAI: It gives new meaning to the word nutcracker.
• • • • •
RORY: I wonder how many times I can use the word "blows" in an article before it becomes redundant.
• • • • •
TANNA: What about you?
RORY: Me?
JANET: Made anyone mad lately?
PARIS: Oh, please, that would be like Dorothy pissing off the Tin Man. It's impossible.

posted by Regina 3:46 PM
DEAN: I miss her. Why didn't she love me?
• • • • •
PARIS: If I go there it's going to look like I went there just to be with him. Suddenly I'm Felicity without the hair issues and I'm not terribly comfortable with that.
• • • • •
LORELAI: She was the most beautiful pink all over. She even smelled pink. That sounds weird. I can't describe it - that little, pink, baby smell. The first time her eyes focused on me and her little fingers reached out. . .I was someone new. She had me.
• • • • •
MISS PATTY: Oh, relax, Taylor. We're right on schedule. Have a cigarette.
TAYLOR: I don't smoke.
MISS PATTY: Could you start?
• • • • •
RORY: Was she the one shaking me in the middle of the night yelling, "what motivated you to come out of your mother" over and over?
• • • • •
EMILY: Flying, thumping balls all over the place.
LORELAI: Flying, thumping what all over the place?
EMILY: Balls.
[Lorelai giggles]
EMILY: You are four.
LORELAI: And balls are funny.
• • • • •
TOM: You want me to turn this into stables?
LORELAI: Yes.
TOM: Without a magic wand or some sort of fairy dust?
• • • • •
LORELAI: You know why she pays so much? So she can torture you and you won't throw knives at her.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Fine.
SOOKIE: Really?
LORELAI: Shouldn't ask again.
SOOKIE: Accepting and moving on.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Kirk, you have a date.
KIRK: No, just an appointment to take Lulu to dinner.
• • • • •
RORY: Paris, can you get the phone? Paris?
PARIS: Don't answer it.
RORY: Why not?
PARIS: It's Jamie and we're fighting.
RORY: Well, does he know you're fighting? 'Cause he's not hanging up.
PARIS: Oh, he knows. Trust me, he knows.
• • • • •
RORY: Why are you and Jamie fighting?
PARIS: Because he's wrong.
RORY: Oh, okay.

posted by Regina 3:46 PM
Friday, December 19, 2003
LANE: Did she see you?
RORY: I don’t think so. I do a pretty good idiot run when I have to.
• • • • •
LORELAI: How long does a freakin' van ride take?
RORY: Not that long!
LORELAI: Everybody in the world's life flashed before my eyes. That's how much time I had. I thought we were gonna die on that van.
RORY: It seemed a good possibility.
LORELAI: Ugh, that van ride felt longer than our train ride from Paris to Prague, and we had that group of French boys singing Sk8er Boi and smelling like a soccer field sitting all around us.
• • • • •
RORY: If we were caught smuggling hash over the border and we were thrown in some Turkish prison, wouldn't you want someone to know that we were in Turkey?
LORELAI: Where'd we get this hash we were smuggling?
RORY: You were at a café, you met a guy, he was sweet-talking you, he put the stuff in your purse when you weren't looking.
LORELAI: At least tell me he was cute.
RORY: He was not bad for a hash dealer.
• • • • •
LORELAI: She's making cocoa 'cause you gave her an itinerary.
RORY: I may have given her the itinerary, but you're the one who got us busted for drug smuggling.
LORELAI: Reality has absolutely no place in our world.
• • • • •
LORELAI: I forgot that pillows don't have to smell like feet. You know, I have to say, I think it's good I did this hostel thing in my thirties, and I'll tell you why.
RORY: [hugging the clothes in her closet] I missed you, I missed you all!
LORELAI: If I had done it in my twenties or teens, I would've been naïve enough to think that hostels were exotic and romantic. But once you're in your thirties, you've lived enough to know they're gross and should be avoided at all costs.

posted by Regina 10:16 AM
RORY: Very nice. Hey, who are the rosary beads for?
LORELAI: They're mine.
RORY: What do you need rosary beads for?
LORELAI: They're cute.
RORY: They're for prayer.
LORELAI: Well, pray they match my blue suit?
RORY: They have just upgraded you to a queen-size bed, Jacuzzi tub, junior suite in hell.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Come on, we're gonna go to dinner next week and every week after that for the rest of our lives. And I do mean the rest of our lives because my parents will outlive us. The damned can do that.
• • • • •
LORELAI: This is a misogynistic truck!
LUKE: What?
LORELAI: It's anti-woman, it's gender-selective, it's "Oh, let's drink a beer and watch the game and hike our shorts up."
• • • • •
RORY: You couldn't wait for me to get out of the house. What were you doing when I paged you - turning my room into a sewing room? I should hate you, not miss you. Do something to make me hate you.
LORELAI: Uh. . .go Hitler!
• • • • •
LORELAI: All right, I should go. I called Luke last night and he made me promise to get the truck back by two hours ago, so if I leave now it's sooner than I planned.
• • • • •
LUKE: It's okay. [he looks out the window] I don't believe it.
[They walk outside to the truck. The Yale mattress is in the back]
LUKE: It's like a horror movie.
LORELAI: Oh, Luke.
LUKE: The mattress that would not leave my truck.
LORELAI: I had no choice.
LUKE: I may cry.
• • • • •
LORELAI: And apparently, now that I'm the pretty spinster living all alone, he's concerned for my safety.
RORY: Did he tell you all this?
LORELAI: Do you think I labeled myself the pretty spinster?
• • • • •
RORY: You know, I had decided that if I ever went to therapy, I was gonna leave you out of it, but now…

posted by Regina 10:16 AM
LANE: Well, I thought Rory was my mom.
ZACH: The resemblance is uncanny.
• • • • •
ZACH: Dave is dead to me. Comprendo? Dead. Cover the mirror, rip a shirt, that guy doesn't exist.
BRIAN: He just went to college, Zach.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Your imaginary attacker has a knife and a gun?
KIRK: And a really dirty tank top.
• • • • •
SOOKIE: You called me! You kept me on the phone for over an hour. I missed the beginning of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and by the time I got back, they were all gay.
• • • • •
LUKE: There is no fate, there is no destiny, there is no luck. Astrology is ridiculous. Tarot cards tell you nothing. You cannot read a palm. Tea leaves make tea and nothing else. Jim Morrison is not hanging out with Elvis, and the Kennedys did not kill Marilyn.
• • • • •
SOOKIE: He says the guy next to him has unforgivable B.O.
LORELAI: Michel, you're French. How can you even tell?
• • • • •
LORELAI: What did I do to make you torture me like this, Taylor?
TAYLOR: I don't know what you're talking about.
LORELAI: The hoops! The hoops with the jumping and the fire and the hoops!
• • • • •
LANE: You know, at first, I felt bad for them - so lacking in talent, yet so clueless. Then I just felt bad for their guitars.
• • • • •
RORY: Okay, so the next time that Babette gives you a bag of bulbs to plant because you're lonely, you say…
LORELAI: No, thank you.
RORY: Class dismissed.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Luke's Diner. It's right in the middle of the town square. You can't miss it. Just follow the love.

posted by Regina 10:15 AM
EMILY: Do you know what one of life's great mysteries is?
LORELAI: Uh, Mom. . .
EMILY: Whether or not you're going to be joining us for Friday night dinner.
LORELAI: Uh huh.
EMILY: And since you pretend to be ignorant of the concept of the RSVP even though I know it was taught to you as a child, I am reduced to calling and asking you, are you coming?
LORELAI: Uh huh.
EMILY: Is that "uh huh, yes, I'm coming" or "uh huh, I was reading while you were talking"?
• • • • •
LORELAI: Wait. Was that it? Is this conversation over? Sorry, did I win?
• • • • •
LORELAI: Hey, Luke. What's going on?
LUKE: Oh, well. . .Tom called. The banister on the stairs has to be replaced. It'll be $4,000. Tamsin Cordally called. He needs a deposit on the quartersawn oak. It'll be $4,000. Julio the landscaper called. I have no idea what he said, but it's going to be $4,000. Vicki from Vicki's Horse Supply called. She thinks Pepper and Gunsmoke would suit your needs, but Gunsmoke snores, so the stables can't be too close to the guests' bedrooms. Rory's looking for her black Converse, and, oh, one last thing - I'm not taking messages for you anymore!
• • • • •
LUKE: I'm just having a bad day.
LORELAI: Zzz.
LUKE: Excuse me?
LORELAI: Days. You've been stomping around, barking at people for days.
LUKE: I have not.
LORELAI: Yes, Cujo, you have.
LUKE: I always talk to people like that.
LORELAI: No, Benji, you don't.
LUKE: I'll be fine tomorrow.
LORELAI: Really, Lassie? Why is that?
• • • • •
RORY: Yale's interesting. It's a lot more free-form than I thought.
EMILY: Well, you're an adult now. They treat you like an adult in college.
LORELAI: In college, yes. In the Gilmore house. . .
EMILY: We've switched subjects, in case you were wondering.
• • • • •
EMILY: It's bad enough that you haven't taught your daughter how to interact with the opposite sex. You will not dress her up in one of your "Sex and the City" ensembles and send her out to tell the entire campus, "Don't worry. I'll ask you."
LORELAI: How do you know about "Sex and the City"?
• • • • •
NATALIE: So now that I talked myself back into a job, what do you think the outlook for this lawn jockey is?
LORELAI: Not good.
NATALIE: Hm. Emily would hate it.
LORELAI: Wrap it up.

posted by Regina 10:15 AM
LUKE: Stop doing that.
LORELAI: Shh, no talking.
LUKE: Then stop doing that.
LORELAI: Doing what?
LUKE: Looking at me.
LORELAI: Vain party, table for one.
• • • • •
LORELAI: My mother was here.
RORY: What?
LORELAI: My mother - she was here. I can feel it.
RORY: Grandma hasn't been here.
LORELAI: Smell that?
RORY: Smell what?
LORELAI: The room - it smells like guilt and Chanel No. 5.
• • • • •
LORELAI: [answers phone] They burnt my fries, forgot to give me an extra side of barbecue sauce, the jeep is making that crunchy sound again, and I have to spend my evening making elf ears for Aaron Thompson's Lord of the Rings party.
RORY: Grandma broke into my dorm and redid the entire common room in $25,000 worth of furniture and stereo equipment.
LORELAI: You win.
• • • • •
LORELAI: And take heart in knowing that when it comes to controlling a person, my mother targeted my soul, my independence, and my entire future, and at least with you, she threw in an ottoman.
• • • • •
RICHARD: Fine, he can come over, but he is not staying for a drink. He can come in and deliver his message and then leave.
EMILY: Whatever you say.
RICHARD: That's it - no drink, no handshake, nothing.
EMILY: I'll even hide the liquor bottles so he doesn't get any bright ideas.
RICHARD: It's extremely comforting to have such a supportive wife in times like these.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Wow, you're crabby.
LANE: Well, I wore a bracelet to school today. My parents were called. There was a special service in chapel, and I've been ordered to a soul-searching seminar next week. I'll be sitting between the nail-polish-wearing girl and the spicy condiment user.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Hi, honey. How's school?
RORY: I'm rooming with a Stephen King novel.
• • • • •
JASON: Look at me - look at you. I've just got a trainer. You have cheated God.
• • • • •
SOOKIE: A child is not a duvet cover. You can't just take it back if it doesn't like you.

posted by Regina 10:15 AM
MARTY: Yup. I'm officially stupider than my brother. I never thought that would happen.
• • • • •
RORY: Oh, the right moment is now. The right moment arrived in a big pink hat full of feathers screaming, "Notice me because I am here!"
LORELAI: Oh, well, if it was wearing a hat. . .
• • • • •
LORELAI: I’m being dramatic. It’s what I do.
• • • • •
JASON: Is there somebody there who could document this…a photographer? a really fast painter?
• • • • •
LORELAI: Seriously time for the fun flask.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Welcome to tonight’s episode of “Things I Never Needed to Know About My Father.�
• • • • •
RORY: I’m in a serious romantic dry spell, I need to live vicariously through someone.
• • • • •
PARIS: I could have opened with that, couldn’t I have?
RORY: Then you wouldn’t be you.

posted by Regina 10:14 AM
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
LORELAI: He found it!
RORY: Found what?
LORELAI: The lost chord.
• • • • •
RORY: No music.
LORELAI: And the band stopped playing, too.
• • • • •
LORELAI: I wanted to be supportive, yet throw up at the same time.
• • • • •
MISS PATTY: Your beard is so sexy.
• • • • •
LUKE: She’s the queen of something.
• • • • •
RORY: Crazy, doofus town.
LORELAI: (smiles) Yeah.
• • • • •
LORELAI: It would be embarassing. It would be manipulative and can you do it tonight?
• • • • •
LORELAI: She even smelled pink.
• • • • •
EMILY: You really should eat more green, Lorelai.
LORELAI: I plan on eating a $5 bill later on tonight.

posted by Regina 8:29 AM
Wednesday, November 05, 2003
RORY: I feel dizzy.
LORELAI: Are you sure that's not just the sight of Robert Reed in the tight clown pants?
• • • • •
LUKE: Do they let kids drink coffee before school?
RORY: Why, do you think it might lead to harder stuff? Lattes, cappucinos. . .
• • • • •
RORY: So, what are you doing Saturday?
DEAN: Just my usual chores.
RORY: Your usual chores, John-boy?
DEAN: Well, what else do you call house jobs?
RORY: I call them the stuff you avoid until the Environmental Protection Agency steps in.
• • • • •
RORY: Mom, you’re freaking out!
LORELAI: Yes, I’m freaking out!
RORY: Well, you can’t freak out, I’m freaking out!
• • • • •
LANE: And then after we get a record deal, we’ll get really famous and then we’ll have to give all of these interviews about how horrible it is to be really famous and how we never wanted this in the first place, all we care about is the music, and fame is gonna tear us apart. It’s gonna be great!
• • • • •
LANE: Ever light your head on fire? I haven’t, but I don’t have to now ‘cause I know how it feels.
• • • • •
LANE: Rory, I just drank a gallon of liquid salad. Insanity is a daily staple at the Kim house.
• • • • •
LUKE: Jess, you don’t shove a girl in a closet.
JESS: I did not shove her in the closet. She got in voluntarily.
• • • • •
LORELAI: You ruined my joke.
RORY: Um, no, the punchline ruined your joke.
• • • • •
LUKE: You go make her stop.
LORELAI: I’m not going over there.
LUKE: Why not? You’re a woman.
LORELAI: So what?
LUKE: So you have the same parts.
LORELAI: What?
LUKE: You shouldn’t be scared of it.
LORELAI: Scared of it? You know, you’re gonna be a bachelor for a really long time.
• • • • •
MICHEL: And you must always be extremely careful of your paddle movements.
LORELAI: Well, that certainly calls for a "Dirty!"
• • • • •
MICHEL: You’ve got to be patient and wait for what you want to appear, then pounce.
LORELAI: Hm, true at an auction, true at a singles bar.
• • • • •
LORELAI: The red skirt is not working.
RORY: Try the blue.
LORELAI: Blue let me down ten minutes ago, I think it’s conspiring with the red.

posted by Regina 1:42 PM
ANDREW: I’d rather have bird crap fall on my head.
LORELAI: There it is – our new town slogan.
• • • • •
LORELAI: But he’s our Boo Radley, and we don’t have a Boo Radley, unless you count the troubadour or Pete the pizza guy or the guy who talks to mailboxes.
RORY: Well, I think the point is that every town needs as many Boo Radleys as they can get.
• • • • •
LUKE: We got nothing of substance done in this meeting.
LORELAI: And the tradition stands.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Hey, what do you know about this town loner guy?
LUKE: Same as everyone. Just kind of skulks around with that backpack, never smiles.
LORELAI: Does he also make cheeseburgers and secretly harbor a desire to wear a backwards baseball cap?
• • • • •
LORELAI: Wow, you beat me home by two minutes and your nose is already in the books.
RORY: I can go from zero to studying in less than sixty seconds.
• • • • •
JESS: Geez, how Andy Griffith is this town that people get so excited by a car?
• • • • •
LORELAI: Aren’t baby shower balloons supposed to reflect the sex of the baby? Blue for boys, pink for girls.
RORY: You would think.
LORELAI: What’s green for, aliens?
• • • • •
SHERRY: You have to give me your list of books, okay?
LORELAI: Books?
SHERRY: The ones that you read when you had Rory.
LORELAI: Oh, I see. Um, I think I was reading "Deenie" at the time. . .
• • • • •
SHERRY: Green’s the new pink
• • • • •
LORELAI: A half hour before I had Rory, I was eating a pepper sandwich and watching TV. [to Rory] You were almost named Quincy.
• • • • •
LORELAI: It is, ‘cause she’s copying me there, too. Rory, G.G. Rory, G.G. They’re identical.
RORY: They are not identical.
LORELAI: Two syllables, repeating consonants. Rory. . . .G.G.
RORY: Oprah, Uma.
• • • • •
LORELAI: This is amazing chicken, Mom. I mean it, really great.
EMILY: Thank you, Lorelai.
LORELAI: It’s like super chicken. I bet it could fly. Have you tried tossing it out the window?
• • • • •
PARIS: You lost my number?
JAMIE: Nope, I memorized your number.
PARIS: You didn’t wanna use my number?
JAMIE: I was starting classes.
PARIS: In phone dialing? How’s it going?

posted by Regina 1:42 PM
RORY: Well, there’s this big event that’s happening in my town. . .
PARIS: Pig race?
RORY: Dance marathon.
PARIS: I was close.
• • • • •
RORY: I can’t even open my eyes.
LORELAI: That’s okay, there’s nothing to see. Kirk’s in a Speedo, Taylor’s in a skirt, Al’s in ***less chaps.
RORY: Oh my God, stop. I’m never gonna be able to close my eyes again.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Oh, it’s so cool to be married. You have your own spot-scoper.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Sookie, this is not like the fruit bowl his mother gave you. You can’t stick four kids in the attic and just pull them out at Christmas.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Then who do we send our kisses of gratitude to?
LUKE: The eternal question asked yet again.
• • • • •
RORY: Kirk has very little in his life.
LORELAI: Uh huh.
RORY: He has no career, no girlfriend, no pet, no car. He lives with his mother, she won't even let him have his own key. The only thing he does have in his whole lonely pathetic existence is this marathon. If we win, if we take him down, if we take away that last little piece of dignity, then we leave him with nothing.
LORELAI: I wonder if he'll cry.
RORY: My mother, the Howard Roark of Stars Hollow.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Do you think serious Kirk is more disturbing than non-serious Kirk?
RORY: Actually, I think they’re both about the same.
• • • • •
RORY: Hey, you came.
DEAN: Hey, you’re standing.
LORELAI: Hey, we had coffee.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Let me flip you.
RORY: No way.
LORELAI: Come on!
RORY: You are not flipping me.
LORELAI: Fine.
RORY: Fine.
LORELAI: You flip me.
RORY: No need, you’ve already flipped.
• • • • •
LORELAI: I’ve looked everywhere for them.
LUKE: Have you tried the insane asylum where everybody in this room is supposed to be?
• • • • •
JACKSON: Does anyone here understand that a man has a right not to have his personal life debated in a public forum? I am not Winona Ryder.

posted by Regina 1:41 PM
LORELAI: My heel just broke off. Damn, these are brand new shoes, too.
RORY: They were made in 1943.
LORELAI: Well, I just bought them Tuesday.
RORY: I told you not to wear vintage shoes.
LORELAI: But the lady at the store said that they hadn’t been worn a lot.
RORY: Yeah, but not a lot in sixty years is still a lot.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Hey, my shoe broke.
LUKE: What?
LORELAI: I need you to fix it.
LUKE: Do I look like a cobbler to you?
LORELAI: If I say yes, will you fix my shoe?
• • • • •
RORY: I feel jet-lagged.
LORELAI: You’ve been up twenty-four hours straight.
RORY: Yes, why did I do that?
LORELAI: Because I asked you to.
RORY: And that worked?
LORELAI: At the time. I don’t expect it to again.
RORY: A realist, I like that.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Maybe if we concentrate really hard, our combined psychic powers will move it closer.
RORY: I don’t think it’s working.
LORELAI: It’s my fault, I’m not focusing.
RORY: Yes, that must be why we can’t move a half a city block closer to us.
• • • • •
RORY: I never realized Luke’s was a hundred miles away.
LORELAI: We’re lucky it wasn’t snowing. It would’ve been The Donner Party all over again, but with slightly better hair.
• • • • •
LUKE: What the **** was that?
LORELAI: That was episode one of Rory and Jess: The Early Years.
• • • • •
LORELAI: I think Rory’s seventeen and it’s probably about time for a Jess.
• • • • •
EMILY: Apparently, we’re going to be European tonight.
RICHARD: Oh, wonderful. I was getting so tired of being American day after day after day.
• • • • •
LORELAI: All I’m saying is sometimes eating a walnut is preferable to getting hacked to death or set on fire during dinner.
• • • • •
RICHARD: Preparing for college can be a daunting task. I remember when I was preparing for Yale.
RORY: Bad?
RICHARD: I don’t believe I slept the entire year. I didn’t even cut my hair for two months.
RORY: Grandpa!
RICHARD: Oh, yes, it was quite a scandal.

posted by Regina 1:41 PM
EMILY: He was a master of the frown, step back, wrinkle and sigh.
LORELAI: The what?
EMILY: Frown. Step back. Wrinkle. And sigh.
RICHARD: I did no such thing.
EMILY: And then he’d talk about the paintings he had seen in Paris and the colors of Titian, and by the end of the date, you thought he was the most brilliant man in the entire world.
LORELAI: Using Titian to score. Even Titian didn’t do that.
• • • • •
RICHARD: I was just a young single man who wanted to experience life.
LORELAI: Don’t ever fall for that line.
RORY: I promise.
• • • • •
EMILY: I did not steal your grandfather, I simply gave him a choice.
RICHARD: When you showed up at my fraternity party in that blue dress, I had no choice.
• • • • •
EMILY: What can we do in a bathroom?
LORELAI: Meet George Michael.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Oh yeah. ‘I have to get a part for my car’, ‘I’m going to go study’ – that’s kid code for ‘Meet me at the previously agreed upon location far away from my clueless uncle.’
LUKE: You’re kidding me, right? You don’t really think that. . .****, they are! They’re together. They used the kid code and now they’re together!
• • • • •
DEAN: Well, too bad, Rory. Somebody doesn’t like you for once.
• • • • •
LORELAI: I can’t sleep. I wonder what I did wrong. Should I not have left you that first day in kindergarten when you begged me not to? Are you holding it against me?
RORY: I was fine staying at kindergarten. You were the one that had trouble leaving.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Well, when you’re a Kennedy, how do you even choose who in the family to hide?
RORY: It’s a tough choice.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Yes, disappointed. We disappointed Luke.
RORY: I didn’t think it was possible.
LORELAI: Our powers are greater than we know.
• • • • •
RORY: Okay, now, practical question. . . how are we going to eat four Thanksgiving dinners?
LORELAI: How? Rory, what are we if not world champion eaters?
RORY: It’s too much food.
LORELAI: It’s not too much food. This is what we’ve been training for our whole lives. This is our destiny. This is our finest hour.
RORY: Or final hour.
LORELAI: No, no. Get inspired and tomorrow I guarantee you, we will be standing on the Olympic platform receiving our gold medals for eating. We are not Michelle Kwan-ing this.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Stop bringing me flowers. I knew you were gonna say that because you say the same thing. We have this same exact conversation every year.
LUKE: And every year you point that out.
LORELAI: And every year you point that out.
LUKE: And every year you point that out.
RORY: And then every year we put the flowers on the counter and forget the ugliness ever happened.
LORELAI: Well, at least we have a tradition.
• • • • •
NATALIE: You have your mother’s wit.
EMILY: Sometimes I wish she’d give it back.

posted by Regina 1:40 PM
JESS: It’s getting a little West Side Story here, Dean, and I gotta warn you, my dancing skills are not up to snuff.
• • • • •
RORY: I’m running out of space.
LORELAI: How many bouquets you got left?
RORY: Three.
LORELAI: Can you put ‘em on your dresser?
RORY: Dresser’s full.
LORELAI: Can you squish ‘em in with another bunch?
RORY: Already squished.
LORELAI: Can you toss ‘em out the window like I did my last five bouquets?
RORY: Done.
• • • • •
EMILY: If I came in there wearing white gloves, what would I find?
LORELAI: That you could pull a rabbit out of your hat?
• • • • •
JESS: I can’t concentrate with your annoying midget voice yammering on and on. It’s like having Stuart Little shoved in my ear.
• • • • •
RORY: Well, how did he know that the note was authentic?
LORELAI: I wrote it on Powerpuff Girls stationery. Who’d he think was setting him up, Hello Kitty?
• • • • •
RORY: I appreciate that. So, tell me, your cousin getting married Saturday, what’s his story?
LANE: James. Very quiet, kind of skulky, couldn’t meet anyone here, so his family arranged to have a girl shipped over from the old country.
RORY: I hope they cut air holes in the box.
• • • • •
LUKE: Thanks. So, tell me something, what’s it like being Taylor’s lawyer?
NICOLE: Well, actually, I’m not exactly Mr. Doose’s lawyer. Or only lawyer. He’s one of our select clients, so all of our attorneys deal with him or a rotating basis, it’s my month.
LUKE: My condolences.
NICOLE: Yeah, my father always told me that which does not kill you makes you stronger.
LUKE: You’re gonna be really stronger.
NICOLE: He’s not that bad.
LUKE: Seriously, if you run into someone pinned underneath a truck, pick it up. It’s gonna be a piece of cake.
• • • • •
PARIS: And in regards to the student council meeting –
RORY: Oh, you mean the one where you tried to impeach me because you haven’t been properly diagnosed yet?
• • • • •
RORY: You set my alarm for 5:15 a.m.
LORELAI: [walking into the kitchen] I know, and I did it for purely practical reasons.
RORY: Which are?
LORELAI: My alarm is just not as reliable as your scream.
• • • • •
EMILY: Yes, but you’re not a kid, you’re a grown woman. What are people going to think when they see a grown woman bunking down with a bunch of twenty-year-olds?
LORELAI: Well, if the twenty-year-olds are cute, they’ll probably think, "Lucky!"

posted by Regina 1:40 PM
LORELAI: It’s from my mother.
RORY: What is it?
LORELAI: It’s heavy. Must be her hopes and dreams for me.
RORY: I thought she discarded those years ago.
• • • • •
LORELAI: You can’t just change the plans. The plans came over on the Mayflower.
• • • • •
RORY: I need you, I need you here, I need you now. I cannot do this alone. I need my Mommy, and dammit, I don’t care who knows it!
• • • • •
LORELAI: She’s jogging in place.
RORY: Why?
LORELAI: I think she’s hoping to aerobicize the thing right out of there.
RORY: Well, should we stop her?
LORELAI: I tried. She almost took an eye out.
RORY: Well, that can’t be good for the baby.
LORELAI: Well, it’s probably no worse than the guilt trip it’s gonna get for showing up a week early.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Okay, this is a big pain and I’d really like it to go away, please.
NURSE: Just breathe deep, honey.
LORELAI: Breathing doesn’t help, can I hit you instead?
NURSE: What?
LORELAI: Or pinch you really hard, ‘cause that might make me feel better.
NURSE: No, you cannot hit me.
LORELAI: Can I bite you or pull your hair or use the Epilady on you ‘cause I really need to do something.
• • • • •
EMILY: You’re having a baby – do you know that, Lorelai?
LORELAI: Well, that explains the stomachache.
• • • • •
CHRISTOPHER: That’s my daughter.
LORELAI: I can tell.
CHRISTOPHER: How?
LORELAI: I think she conned that one out of his blanket.
• • • • •
JESS: Does she know what I look like?
RORY: I don’t think so.
JESS: Perfect. Find someone who vaguely resembles me. Take him. Just don’t kiss him goodnight.
• • • • •
RORY: Okay, what’s the packing crisis?
LORELAI: That’s the thing. I have no packing crisis. For the first time in my life, there is no packing crisis. See? This has never happened to me before. I’m all packed, ready to go, and fully confident that I have everything I’ll need or desire.
RORY: So you’re creating a crisis out of nostalgia?

posted by Regina 1:39 PM
RORY: I’m coming back over there right now.
LORELAI: Yes, and then you are going to get very sick and be unable to feed yourself so that Mommy will need to take you home and stay by your side until the Doose reunion is over.
RORY: Okay.
LORELAI: Okay. Say goodbye to Jess.
RORY: Bye Jess.
JESS: I’ll call you later.
LORELAI: Oh, limp a little if you can.
RORY: Uh, what malady do I have that makes me limp and lose ability to feed myself?
LORELAI: It’s French.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Have you seen my brown boots? I cannot go out without those brown boots. My entire outfit was retrofitted around those practically – Oh! Wait, can you believe it? Hey, they were in my closet. What sort of bizarre accident of fate put them there?
• • • • •
RORY: True. But who knows, I might be a sports convert. I mean, the eating of massive amounts of junk food, and listening to Kirk make a fool of himself in front of a bunch of people – all things I enjoy.
• • • • •
LORELAI: [answers phone] They burnt my fries, forgot to give me an extra side of barbecue sauce, the jeep is making that crunchy sound again, and I have to spend my evening making elf ears for Aaron Thompson's Lord of the Rings party.
RORY: Grandma broke into my dorm and redid the entire common room in $25,000 worth of furniture and stereo equipment.
LORELAI: You win.
• • • • •
LORELAI: And take heart in knowing that when it comes to controlling a person, my mother targeted my soul, my independence, and my entire future, and at least with you, she threw in an ottoman.
• • • • •
LORELAI: My mother - she was here. I can feel it.
RORY: Grandma hasn't been here.
LORELAI: Smell that?
RORY: Smell what?
LORELAI: The room - it smells like guilt and Chanel No. 5
• • • • •
LANE: Well, I wore a bracelet to school today. My parents were called. There was a special service in chapel, and I've been ordered to a soul-searching seminar next week. I'll be sitting between the nail-polish-wearing girl and the spicy condiment user.
• • • • •
JASON: Because I want to do something on my own. I want to work someplace that hasn't known me since I was six. I'd like to get through an entire day without being called Digger. And I really, really want to **** off my dad.
RICHARD: You what?
JASON: Can you imagine his face? No, really, take a moment. Picture it. I walk into his office, he's sitting in his enormous red-leather chair, and I say, "Dad, I am leaving. I am taking all of my high-paying clients with me, and I am getting into business with Richard Gilmore, the man you forced out to make room for me." Can you see that face?
RICHARD: I can see it.
JASON: It's a pretty good face, isn't it?
RICHARD: It is rather satisfying.
• • • • •
MICKEY: Walt Disney could not imagine what was going through her mind.
• • • • •
MARTY: Yup. I'm officially stupider than my brother. I never thought that would happen.
• • • • •
LORELAI: My finger’s hitting the fast forward button, hon.

posted by Regina 1:39 PM
MAX: Same boyfriend?
LORELAI: Different boyfriend.
MAX: Really?
LORELAI: Yeah.
MAX: You hate him.
LORELAI: No, I don’t.
MAX: You really hate him.
LORELAI: I smile, I say hi, I let him eat the good cookies.
MAX: You wanna have him killed.
LORELAI: Only if I get a really good price.
MAX: She’s young, she’ll move on, she’s got college next year.
LORELAI: Great. Frat boys, I cannot wait.
MAX: Just get a keg, keeps ‘em distracted.
LORELAI: Oh, well, thanks for the advice. I’m gonna lock her up in a tower when I get home.
• • • • •
LORELAI: [to coat-check woman] Um, excuse me, hi. I am not seeing my coat here, and it was very cute and it was on sale, and I will fling myself off a building if I lose it.
WOMAN: We put some of the coat racks in the classroom over there, take a look. Otherwise the staircase to the roof is on your right.
LORELAI: Thank you. Hm. Took two hundred years, but somebody at Chilton finally cracked a joke.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Did they bring the paddywagon?
RORY: Yeah, but then we snuck out the backdoor of the speak-easy and headed straight for the Algonquin.
LORELAI: How was Benchley?
RORY: Drunk again.
• • • • •
LUKE: I'm in bed. I have ten more minutes to sleep. Not a lot of time in the grand scheme of things, but still, ten minutes is ten minutes. You know what I mean.
LORELAI: Sure, yeah.
RORY: Ten minutes is great.
LUKE: And then the phone rings, and it just rings and rings and rings and rings, so I pick it up.
LORELAI: And then hopefully got your hearing checked.
• • • • •
LORELAI: So not only did you go to a cop-raided party but you started the raid?
RORY: Yes.
LORELAI: This fence is broken because of you, this crap is on the ground because of you.
RORY: What's your point?
LORELAI: [sings] Did you ever know that you're my hero?
RORY: Oh my God!
LORELAI: [sings] You're everything I would like to be. And I could fly higher than an eagle, 'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.
• • • • •
LORELAI: Uh, make a note - if the guests are gonna wear those robes downstairs, we need to buy ones with thicker material.
SOOKIE: Really.
LORELAI: Seeing the sunlight hit Dennis gave me a whole new respect for Peg.
• • • • •
LANE: I was drunk, I could've slurred.
RORY: Exactly. Maybe she thought you said you were at a smarty, playing clock music, drinking fear, and in love with Rave Smitchalsky.
LANE: And how would that be better?
RORY: It's much less clear.
LANE: What is that smell?
RORY: Your backpack.

posted by Regina 1:38 PM
DAVE: A few weeks ago you told me that Lane had a crush on me. Well, I have a crush on her, too. Now, I know you have very strict rules about dating and boys, but I just want you to know that I'm a good person. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I've never gotten a ticket, I'm healthy, I take care of myself, I floss. I never watch more than 30 minutes of television a night partly because I think it's a waste of time and partly because there's nothing on. I respect my parents, I do well in school, I never play video games in case they do someday prove that playing them can turn you into a serial killer. I don't drink coffee. I hate soda because the carbonation freaks me out. I'm happy to give up meat if you feel strongly about it. I don't mind wearing a tie. I enjoy playing those hymns on my guitar, and I really, really want to take your daughter to the prom.
[Mrs. Kim doesn't say anything]
DAVE: Mrs. Kim? Please don't make me repeat that list again.
MRS. KIM: Let never day nor night unhallow'd pass, but still remember what the Lord hath done.
• • • • •
RORY: Hey, here's a picture of Kirk pinned by the casket.
LORELAI: Oh, yeah, that's a good one.
RORY: Man, it's bad enough this had to happen, but his pants splitting on top of it?
LORELAI: Yeah. I hope he never takes too close a look at his life.
RORY: Amen. So this goes on the fridge, right?
• • • • •
RORY: Hey, here's a picture of Kirk pinned by the casket.
LORELAI: Oh, yeah, that's a good one.
RORY: Man, it's bad enough this had to happen, but his pants splitting on top of it?
LORELAI: Yeah. I hope he never takes too close a look at his life.
RORY: Amen. So this goes on the fridge, right?
• • • • •
LORELAI: You have to sleep, it's what keeps you pretty.
RORY: Who cares if I'm pretty if I fail my finals?
• • • • •
SASHA: Hey, did you ever see The Wizard of Oz?
JESS: Yes.
SASHA: Remember when they go to the Emerald City and they ring the bell and the guy with the beard stuck his head out and they said that they wanted to see the wizard, and he said no, and they said, 'She's got the ruby slippers', and he said 'Well, that's a horse of a different color. Come on in.'
JESS: Yes.
SASHA: Well, I'm the guy with the beard and I'm saying the no unless you can come up with the ruby slippers.
JESS: I'm his son.
SASHA: His son?
JESS: Yes, his son.
SASHA: Well, that's a horse of a different color. Come on in.
JESS: Do they bite?
SASHA: Just those two. [walks away]
JESS: Which two? Hey, which two? Great. I swear I will bite you back.

posted by Regina 1:38 PM
LORELAI: Mom, it's seven o'clock.
EMILY: So?
LORELAI: That's your dinnertime.
EMILY: I don't have a dinnertime, Lorelai.
LORELAI: You don't have a dinnertime?
EMILY: No, I don't.
LORELAI: So all the years I grew up in this house, we did not sit down to dinner at exactly seven o'clock every single night?
EMILY: No.
LORELAI: I just imagined that?
EMILY: Lorelai, I don't know what your obsession with dinnertime is.
• • • • •
JESS: You have nothing? I have nothing! I have no place to go. I can't stay at Luke's, I can't stay in Stars Hollow. My mother is a wackjob. I mean, you're saying you're this loser and what, you don't wanna take me off this terrific path I'm headed down right now? I'm not graduating high school. I don't know what I'm gonna do with the rest of my life, but something's telling me I better find out soon or I'm gonna be that guy out there on the boardwalk selling the hemp hats.
JIMMY: I have one of those. It's a good hat.
• • • • •
SOOKIE: Maybe we should bring it in a bit more.
RORY: Oh sure, but first we'll have to use a medieval torture instrument to crush my ribs and flatten my spinal cord in order to accommodate your sadistic wish there.
LORELAI: Don't use subtlety on us. We're slow.
• • • • •
LORELAI: She's making cocoa 'cause you gave her an itinerary.
RORY: I may have given her the itinerary, but you're the one who got us busted for drug smuggling.
LORELAI: Reality has absolutely no place in our world.
• • • • •
LORELAI: I forgot that pillows don't have to smell like feet. You know, I have to say, I think it's good I did this hostel thing in my thirties, and I'll tell you why.
RORY: [hugging the clothes in her closet] I missed you, I missed you all!
LORELAI: If I had done it in my twenties or teens, I would've been naïve enough to think that hostels were exotic and romantic. But once you're in your thirties, you've lived enough to know they're gross and should be avoided at all costs.
• • • • •
RORY: Very nice. Hey, who are the rosary beads for?
LORELAI: They're mine.
RORY: What do you need rosary beads for?
LORELAI: They're cute.
RORY: They're for prayer.
LORELAI: Well, pray they match my blue suit?
RORY: They have just upgraded you to a queen-size bed, Jacuzzi tub, junior suite in hell.

posted by Regina 1:37 PM



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